Why hello, readers! I’m Renfield Pumpkin! Today’s the last day of the year and I hope you all have exciting party plans. I know I do!
First I’m going to organize all the files I’ve received from the national Bureau of Missing Unicorns, taking into account time of day last seen, astrological details, weather conditions and egg-to-nog ratios in Jimmy Lightning’s eggnog.
Then, using a powerful algorithm I’ve devised specially for the purpose, I think I’ll quickly determine the location of our wayward headmaster. Once that’s done, I’ll put together a quick rescue mission and get him back in time for our office New Year’s Eve party. And lastly, I’ll go to bed three minutes before midnight because at that point I expect I’ll be quite fatigued!
Have a happy New Year, humans of the human world, and we’ll see you in 2011!