Hi, folks! Welcome back to human time in your human year of 2012!
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I trust you all followed my end-of-2011 instructions to the letter by consuming buckets of sugar, vats of cream and multitudinous barrels of joy. If you left any out, I really do encourage you to go back and catch up; the overall effect is properly understood as a synthesis of all three indulgences.
So, now that we’re all charging happily into this fresh new year, what sorts of things can we expect? Well, as a magical unicorn, I do get some press releases and memos on future events to which you humans may not be privy. Here, I’ll share some!
February 2012: Mayans will unveil a new 5000-year stone calendar and put an end to all those silly 2012 end-of-the-world rumors.
July 2012: The world will end for completely unMayan-related reasons. Luckily, it will only end for eight seconds in the middle of the night until support staff in Michigan reset the system. It’ll be a close one!
October 2012: An exciting new game product will come out from PopCap Games and usher in a shining millenium of peace, hope and rejoicing (or not).
December 2012: Santa Claus will, in your human world, raise over $45 billion in a ground-breaking holiday IPO. Toy delivery will spike 15% on the announcement.
Whew! As you can see, there’s a lot coming up for you humans this year, so strap on your event-belts and get prepared for a wild ride unlike any other!