Hi, folks! Recently I’ve had to face up to a disturbing truth about myself: I’m terribly stupid!
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I’ve been playing a bit of PopCap’s new Facebook game, Solitaire Blitz, you see. As I’ve mentioned in an earlier post, it’s good clean fun full of maritime-themed card-flipping and delightful aquatic characters. Sadly, however, it turns out I am crushingly, screamingly, hoof-splittingly terrible at it!
I pride myself on being great at… well, essentially everything. I am a magical unicorn, after all, and it’s rather expected that I be able to excel at tasks from which most humans would stampede screaming in choirs of hysterical failure. And, in most cases, such excellence is indeed the case.
But why oh why can I not get a decent score at Solitaire Blitz? I’m quick-witted. I’m alert. I’m able to count from 2 to A and back again. Triumph should be as easy as making poop after an all-night magic oat binge. And yet, try as I might, the cards never add up. They stare at me, balefully, rafts of sixes when I need nines, eternal Queens when tens or twos are required. Instead of the game-winning paragon of unicornial virility I imagine myself to be, Solitaire Blitz reveals me to be a clumsy-hoofed ignoramus with fewer brains than a bowl of carpet tacks. I stare from the bottom of my leaderboard up at a sea of pitiless human faces and cry out, WHAT GIVES???
I must play more!