Faster Than Sight?

Hi, folks! Apparently some of your human scientists seem to believe they’ve discovered particles that move faster than light!

 

Apparently this is some kind of big deal in your world. If true, I’m told, this discovery would force a radical rethinking of over a century’s worth of human science. Good for you folks! I hope it works out.

 

Here in the Peggle Universe, of course, we’re a few steps ahead of you. We’ve known since at least last week that light in our universe actually travels over a hundred times the speed of light! This may appear paradoxical, or even rude, but the numbers don’t lie. Consequently, we now know that when we see things, we’re actually seeing stuff that won’t even happen for a good twenty minutes, give or take three hours! Ah… so THAT’S where I left my keys tomorrow!

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Forces of Nature

Hi, folks! It’s windy today!

I’ve been blown on before. I’ve had air move swiftly by me in the past. I’ve seen leaves flutter and old candy wrappers bounce down the street as though pursuing some destiny known only to themselves. But I’ve never seen a windy day like today!

 

For one thing, I don’t usually see sharks flying through the air on windy days. Today I’ve seen seven. Typically buildings are not sliding on their sides down the street. I’m currently in a building doing just that. In the normal course of events the moon isn’t blown directly through the sun and out the other side. I’ve been informed by Peggle Universe astronomers that the sun now has a big moon-sized hole in it.

 

I’d like to say I’m entirely blameless in this windy state of affairs, but I’m not. You know how it is. Simple experiments in developing new Magic Powers take on a life of their own and all of a sudden wind everywhere gets a thousand times more powerful. It’s a risk, but it’s one I’m proud to take every single day here at the Peggle Institute!

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Free Ball!

Hi, folks! Friends, when times are strange and confusing, when cares of the world press down upon your brow, when the very air smells bad and has irritating sounds in it… that’s when you know it’s time to play Peggle!

I had some concerns this morning, I did. Splork’s on vacation, you see, taking some personal time for… well, I don’t understand it. Something to do with yogurt and singularities. But, as headmaster, it is my duty to take up whatever slack drapes itself about the place, so I agreed to take on Splork’s course load in his absence.

While I remembered I’d signed on, it had escaped my notice that Splork’s courses all start at the unworldly hour of 7 in the morning (I typically schedule my instructional periods at a more rational, post-lunchtime hour befitting a unicorn of my talent and rank). Plus, I’d been out the night before celebrating a visit from some old friends, and I’ll admit I may have overindulged in the nectar and honey-dew. So after stamping on my snooze button a few times I groggily awoke to the realization I had about twenty-six seconds to magic-shower, magic-shave, chow some magic-breakfast and sip my magic-coffee before my first class. Suffice it to say I didn’t get to do magic-anything besides magic-galloping my hooves off getting to the classroom in time.

But –and here we approach the point– once I got to class and began the lesson (Peggle Nights Level 5-4, Explodious), it didn’t take long before the healing powers of Peggle took hold. I don’t use Splork’s powers as much as I should, so it was a treat to begin the careful demolition of the level. A few Free Ball Skills shots to get warmed up, and then I unleashed a storm of Peggly prowess not seen since the last time I played. I slid the slides. I angled the shots. I dropped so many balls into so many buckets I felt like an intern at a minigolf course. And then I triggered both green pegs in a single shot, earned a free ball from points and dropped that baby in the bucket as well. BOOM! Take that, sucka!

True, my score didn’t really reflect the amazing quality of my game, but what’s important is how you feel. So, if you’re feeling bummed or poorly, try a game of Peggle!

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Pigger Upper!

Hi, folks! I can’t believe the folks at PopCap were able to wangle me an interview with the porcine heroes of Pig Up, but wangle they did!

With their bold invention of the PigLauncher and their stated goal to flap completely around the globe in under 78 days, this brother-brother team of Barry and R. Pig are making crazy history in the world of pigs!

Bjorn Unicorn: Thanks for joining me, guys. Tell me, how does the PigLauncher work?

R. Pig: (translated from Oinkish) I’m highly pumped you asked that, Bjorn! I wish I knew! As far as I’m concerned it’s a whole mess of hoses and blender parts jammed together and welded to the back of our pickup! I don’t really know all the details; Barry is the family genius when it comes to launching pigs.

Bjorn: Barry? Anything to add?

Barry Pig: *snork*

Bjorn: Uh… okay. How long have you guys been working on this?

R. Pig: Bjorn, I consider that question to be OUTSTANDING! In a way, we’ve been working on it all our lives. Even as piglets we liked to throw things up in the air and it was always highly disappointing when they came down again. Everything we’ve done has been a natural progression from there. What do you think, Barry?

Barry Pig: *snurk*

Bjorn: Sure, okay. Why not. Tell me, what sorts have things have you discovered in the skies above?

R. Pig: Lots of stuff! Flapples, of course, which are a rich source of energy for a flapping pig. Bigger Flapples with people’s faces on them for some reason. Rocket packs and magnets and weird pulsating arrows. And the bees, of course. Big bees, little bees, bees with swords, red bees… I hate those red bees SO MUCH. And yet I have the feeling it’s only the beginning, that whole new worlds await just beyond the horizon!

Bjorn: Remarkable! Your bold determination to fly completely around the globe has captured the imagination of the pig world. What brought that on?

R. Pig: Well, we just started flying, and kept getting further and further each time, so eventually we thought, heck, might as well go all the way!

Bjorn: I admire your directness and simplicity! One last question: Is there any truth to the rumor that Erich “Heir” Wulf and his sister Inga have developed a flying system similar to your own?

Barry Pig: No comment. This interview is over!

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Peggle HD!!!

Hi, folks!  Hold onto your cats, everybody; I’ve got actual Peggle NEWS!

As I’m sure you’re all aware, Peggle has long been one of the most celebrated apps on the iPhone, portably pleasing children and other humans around your world. Well, today I am delighted beyond belief to inform you that Peggle is now available on the iPad!

The app goes by the piquant name “Peggle HD,” and the “HD,” I’m told, stands for “high definition.” I’ve had a chance to stamp around a few iPads, and I can confidently assert that this is some of the highest-definition Peggle you will ever encounter! The iPad has 1024 x 768 screen resolution, meaning your iPad can glow with an astonishing 786,432 pixels of Peggly fun! More pixels than the iPhone, and bigger pixels to boot! Now you’ll be able to make shots with a screaming accuracy to which only wizards and very special unicorns have previously had access.

But I urge you, use this power only for good. Never for evil! Evil is bad!

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Too Quiet

Hi, folks! It’s been pretty quiet around the Institute this week. Indeed, if anything, it’s a little… too quiet.

Generally I’m not too upset if a week goes by without gravity failing or the faculty having their minds switched around. On the other hand, I’m not exactly thrilled when sound itself is eerily cancelled for reasons unknown.

I’ve tried yelling, hollering, shouting and bellowing, but no noises are emerging. I’ve bashed pots, smashed cots, trashed yachts and mashed ‘bots, all to no avail. I’ve asked Jimmy to wail, Tula to hail and Cinderbottom to nail, but none of these actions have had a single aural effect. Frankly, I’m running out of options and things to rhyme. If this nonsense keeps up, I’m going to have to cancel our karaoke staff party!

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AHHHHHHH!!!!

Hi, folks! Or should I say, AHHHHHH MY HORN IS GONE MY HORN IS GONE I’M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT AHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sorry to get so worked up but ahhhhhhhhhhhthiscantbehappeningahhhhh!!!!! It’s got to be around somewhere but I’ve looked everywhere in the universe and it’s not anywhereahhhhh!!!

*huff*

*puff*

*gotta get ahold of myself…*

Okay, Bjorn. You can do this. Calm down. Think. Where was the last place I remember my horn being? Sticking out of my forehead, right? Sure, yes, of course! SOWHEREISITNOWWHEREWHEREWHEREWHERE???

HELLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

Again, I’m sorry about all the screaming but a unicorn without his horn is, well, he’s not even a horse. More like a mule, and not even a magical mule, either. Or like a human. I can’t face a hornless life! I can’t! SOMEBODYHELPMEIMLOSINGMYoh there it is. I took it off when I was trying on all those hats. Silly me!

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Up, Up and ever Pig Up!

Hi, folks! You know, as a unicorn I can do an extraordinary number of things, but one thing I’ve never been able to do is fly. Until today!I don’t know how the humans at Popcap keep discovering these remarkable new worlds filled with game-like challenges, but it looks like it’s happened again. This time they’ve discovered a brave little pig and his ingenious brother who have mastered the basic principles of porcine aviation! That’s right; this pig FLIES!

PopCap’s calling this exciting new experience Pig Up, and they’re presenting it as some kind of “preview” on your human “Facebook” social networking “web site.” I’ve given it a try, and may I say, it is exhilarating! Normally I have a tough time with non-Peggle games, what with my hooves not being wonderful with computer controls, but all I have to do is stamp on the mouse button to cause our hero pig to flap his home-made wooden wings and send him soaring! As he flies he grabs “Flapples” to maintain his flying strength, and if he can avoid the ill-intentioned Bees who fill the skies for long enough, he goes HOG WILD and erupts into a Bee-crushing frenzy of flame and amazingness that leaves me spent and breathless.

But you need not take only my infallible word for this. Some humans in the game-reviewing biz have opined on this startling new development, and their remarks tell the tale:

“It’s classic PopCap, simple and fun.”
destructoid.com

“A compelling action game that would work well on any platform.”
- wired.com

“It’s beautifully designed, showing that you only need a bit of personality and a solid gameplay hook to make a great videogame…”
- gamerzines.com

“There’s also a button that does nothing but make an oink sound.”
- gamezebo.com

Amazing! I encourage you to check it out!

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Blogs a Poppin’!

Hi, folks! I’ve been blogging around for the last couple of years on behalf of the Peggle Institute and PopCap Games. Now others are doing the same!

I’m pleased as rainbow punch to direct all you fine folks over to blog.popcap.com, there to discover all kinds of crazy blogging coming from many different directions at once!

I’ve had a chance to chat with main PopCap blogger Jeff Green, and he assures me that, while he’s totally nipping my style and stealing my blogging thunder, he’s doing it with love and an undisclosed percentage of blogging receipts. I am completely fine with this! Jeff and I go way back, back before even the Peggle days, when I was shiftless young unicorn partying on the beach and Jeff was a titan of industry, magic and e-commerce for the Swiss. I might be a bit off on some of Jeff’s details; it’s been awhile.

Anyway, Jeff is super pumped about sharing all the little ins and outs of the PopCap experience with you folks, with everything from employee interviews to previews for games to random little news articles that inform as well as entertain! A grand and glorious new future of blogging awaits us all!

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Acquired!

Hi, folks! I heard the most remarkable thing from our colleagues at PopCap. Apparently they’ve been acquired, bodies and souls, by Electronic Arts!

Now I’ll admit I’m a bit fuzzy on what, exactly, it means to be acquired, as I’d been given to understand that ownership of humans by humans was rather frowned upon in your world. The folks at PopCap have tried to explain it to me, something about “shares” and “earnouts” and many large and densely packed bags of money. Evidently the people themselves remain sovereign beings, but the entity of PopCap is now owned by the entity of Electronic Arts.

Regardless, the humans I’ve spoke to seem to view the development as largely positive. I’m told the owners of PopCap had rejected many offers in the past to bail out with gobs of cash, and the reason they accepted this offer was because it would allow PopCap to explore fields and realms previously out of reach. The overall culture is said to be highly respected and the folks at PopCap have been repeatedly assured that EA values PopCap’s unique approach to making games.

We here at the Peggle Institute, proud co-partners with the humans at PopCap, give hearty congratulations to our colleagues across the universal divide, and we hope this development leads to many unthinkable achievements. Well done, PopCap!

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